


Dead Ringer

by Xyriath



Category: Fullmetal Alchemist - All Media Types
Genre: A Comedy of Intrusive Thoughts, Alchemy, Alternate Universe - Modern Amestris, Alternate Universe - Modern: Still Have Powers, Hijinks & Shenanigans, Humor, Lan Fan you had one job, M/M, This is a happy fic I swear
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-04
Updated: 2017-12-17
Packaged: 2019-01-08 21:07:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 19,412
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12262110
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Xyriath/pseuds/Xyriath
Summary: Love, as fleeting as it is sweet.After a single date, Roy Mustang is left with only funeral flowers and the memory of a guy who could have been The One.  A few months later, he finds himself introduced to a friend of a friend who looks eerily familiar.Second chances come from unexpected places, he knows, but—Ed’s cousin?





	1. Edward

**Author's Note:**

> And so begins my posting for my FMABB17 fic. Enjoy!
> 
> —
> 
>  
> 
> [Check out my tumblr for more info if you want to help support me!](http://xyriath.tumblr.com/)

Roy Mustang did _not_ obsessively check his texts. 

He did not. It was completely illogical to do so, anyway. He had it set to notify him by sound, and he definitely had more important things to be doing. 

He was the one who played the post-dating waiting game to perfection. He had to, after all; the levels of utter sap he was capable of exuding could send the hardiest of casual companions running for the hills. He understood. He really did. People preferred cool and casual, calm and collected. It was, as so many people had told him, part of his charm. It never failed: they always texted first. 

…Except in this case. 

All right, so he had already broken his rule. Just a little. But only with a couple of minor texts: the casual sort. _How are you?_ _Good weekend?_ The most personal he had gotten was a link accompanied with _Found an article that might interest you._ But nothing else. 

He glanced over at his phone from where it lay on his desk. 

Edward hadn’t exactly struck him as the dating game type, though. Brilliant, yes, and certainly a little eccentric, but not particularly socially savvy. That little fact had been part of _Edward’s_ charm, and Roy had found his bluntness refreshing. That, and the fact that Edward had gotten utterly carried away when they arrived on the topic of alchemy, something Roy quite enjoyed himself. He had chosen to refrain from sharing too much of his own talent, instead much preferring to listen in fascination to Ed’s unique take on it, his research, his _passion._ And it helped that, with long braided hair and eyes the metallic color of Xerxesian gold, Roy found him absolutely breathtaking to look at. In all, quite a night. 

So why hadn’t Edward contacted him yet? The mention of a long and grueling period of his classes had assuaged Roy’s worries for the first week or so, but as the days continued to drag on, his concern began to grow. He supposed it was possible the date hadn’t gone quite as well as he had thought, but Ed’s quick grin and witty retorts had tumbled them into an evening of thrilling, engaging banter. And god, Ed was so _lovely_ when he laughed. 

He shouldn’t have it this bad after one date. And yet, here he was. 

Roy sighed and glanced from his computer screen back over to his phone. As if of its own volition, his finger pressed against the button on the side of his phone. The screen lit up. 

No new messages. 

If Roy’s measure of Ed had been correct, it was also completely possible that Ed had completely lost himself in some science project and forgotten that his phone existed, let alone Roy. Maybe he just… needed a reminder of some kind. 

Kicking himself the entire time he did so but not willing to stop, he lifted the phone, swiped it open, and dialed before he could lose his nerve. 

It rang once, then twice, then—stopped. 

Roy held his breath. It _sounded_ as if someone had picked up, but no one answered— 

“Hello?” 

Roy froze in surprise at the distinctly female voice. For a moment, he had the sick, anxious sensation that a _girlfriend_ had picked up—it wouldn’t have been the first time Roy had accidentally tripped into this situation. But he quickly shook himself, remembering how very _gay_ Ed had emphasized himself being that evening. 

“Hello. This is Roy. Roy Mustang. I’m looking for Edward?” 

“Oh.” The voice was tiny, and Roy’s concern began to return. He ruthlessly shoved it down. “Of course you are.” 

She didn’t even sound annoyed, just… confused. A little lost, even. Roy waited, hoping that he wouldn’t need to remind her that he was still on the line. 

“I’m sorry. I’m a little…” She didn’t finish the sentence, so Roy mentally used the word ‘distracted’ to do it for her. “He… died.” 

The words buried themselves in his chest like daggers as cold horror slowly seeped through him. “ _What?_ ” 

The girl made a small hiccupping noise. “I… I’m sorry. It was… two weeks ago or so. Very sudden.” 

The break in her voice, like she was about to start crying, tugged at his chest. 

“Oh, god. I… I’m so sorry.” Roy swallowed, hard, the disbelief warring with the grief. “How did it happen?” 

“He was… he’s always been a daredevil.” She let out a tearful laugh. Roy could believe it. “He fell into a cement mixer while he was climbing. It was awful.” 

Roy’s gut twisted. It did, indeed, seem like a terrible way to die. “Oh, god,” he repeated, mind racing frantically. “I’m so sorry.” 

He had begun to parrot himself. What else could he say? He had barely known Ed. But still, that was long enough to be touched by that brilliance, to feel as if he were basking in a supernova, but supernovas must eventually burn themselves out. To know that he had caught this one at the end of its life, had been one of the last to bear witness before its destruction, left a hollow ache in his chest. He couldn’t bring himself to decide if he should be grateful for the opportunity, or regret that he had tasted something he would never have again and now have to live forever with that loss. 

“Where is he buried?” he finally found himself asking, his mouth working of its own volition. “If it’s all right for me to ask. I’d like to pay my respects.” 

“I…” She hesitated, and for a moment, Roy feared he had misstepped. “Of course. I can show you where, if you’d like.” 

Roy exhaled. “If it’s not too much to ask. I would like that very much.” 

“Don’t worry. Um, my name is Lan Fan. We should probably exchange numbers.” 

— 

Roy set the arrangement of flowers on the fresh grave. He felt a little silly how much meaning lay behind his choices—light pink carnations fading into deep pink, purple lilac, poppies, and a cherry blossom cutting—but he had always appreciated flower meanings. 

_Edward Elric._ Just a name and a set of dates. Only twenty-one years old. It wasn’t fair. He had always thought, if he lost someone, it would be— 

But no. Sometimes, accidents, even terrible accents, just happened.

Roy stood with a sigh, feeling oddly empty. 

“I’m sorry. As I said, I didn’t know him long, so I understand that this might be a sort of intrusion. I just…” He shook his head. “I don’t know why this is affecting me so much. Thank you for putting up with my eccentricities.” 

Lan Fan sighed, shaking her head. “Don’t worry about it. It’s _Ed_ , after all.” Roy caught a hint of dryness in her voice, alongside the heaviness. “He’s always been… something else.” 

“A celestial body, drawing others in with his inescapable gravity,” Roy murmured, more to himself than Lan Fan, staring sightlessly at the grave. “I suppose—no. I know that I’m lucky to have met him. Before…” 

He shook his head as well. They stood in silence for several more moments. 

“Do you want to come to his memorial service?” 

Roy turned to blink at the suddenness of the words. “I’m sorry?” 

She shifted, looking slightly uncomfortable. “The funeral was… it’s already passed, but there’s going to be one. Some of his friends—later today. At one of the Central University buildings. If you’d like.” 

Roy thought for a moment. The finality of it left an ache in his chest, but he knew that he would be the better for it. 

“Of course. Thank you.” 

— 

Roy sat in the back of the room, a silent observer as a few of Ed’s friends stood to speak. Roy barely heard, instead tuning out the more personal stories, not feeling as if he had the right to intrude on that private information. He did listen to the more innocuous tales of scholarly mischief, a few of them even leaving him smiling faintly. It seemed to be a more casual affair, with fellow students who knew him instead of family members. Roy was glad: he felt less like an interloper. And the fellow seemed to be running it all, a young, Xingese man with his black hair pulled back in a ponytail, didn’t seem to mind in the slightest. 

True, he also seemed very caught up in the melodrama of it all, and Roy privately thought that, had Ed been here, he would have rolled his eyes at all of the pomp, the pictures of Ed everywhere, the masses of flowers. But Roy fully supported anything that might ease the pain of Ed’s surviving friends. 

If Edward’s death had left Roy feeling so empty, how must they feel? 

— 

On his way home, he called Maes. 

“Central Daycare, this is your caretaker speaking.” 

Even Maes’s jokes and the frantic crying in the background weren’t enough to make him smile. Not today. 

“Hey. You have a second?” 

Maes dropped the fondly exasperated tone the moment he heard the weight in Roy’s voice. “Just a second.” 

The screaming faded, and Roy heard the faint sound of a door closing. “Tell me what’s wrong.” 

“It’s… nothing major. I mean, upsetting, but not… you know.” Roy had called Maes with far worse than a deceased acquaintance before. “You remember that blind date Jean set me up on? The one his sister knew.” 

“Yeah. Uh… Ed, right? Was his name? I know Jean seemed convinced that you’d get along, but given his track record…” 

Roy exhaled. “We did. It was amazing. But I just found out that he died a few weeks ago. It must have been right after our date.” 

On the other end of the line, Roy heard Maes inhale sharply. “Oh my god.” 

“Yeah. He fell into a concrete mixer.” Roy swallowed. He was still trying to force himself not to think about how horrible of a death that must have been. “It’s pretty crazy.” 

Maes exhales. “That sucks, Roy. I’m really sorry.” 

Roy just stared ahead at the road, hands gripping tightly to the steering wheel. “Yeah. He was… he seemed amazing. I was really looking forward to getting to know him.” The thought of that fierce brilliance no longer a part of this world left an odd hollowness in his chest. “He was so fucking smart.” 

“You want to tell me more about him?” 

Roy thought back to the memorial service, at the sensation of feeling distinctly like an outsider, and grimaced. He had only known Ed for an evening. Letting himself act torn up over this seemed disrespectful. 

“No,” Roy sighed. “I just really liked him.” 

“I know. I’m sorry, Roy. Take care of yourself.” 

“Yeah. Thanks, Maes.” 

He ended the call, continuing to stare straight ahead at the road. 


	2. Edward

**Several Hours Earlier**

“I fucked up, Lan Fan.”

Lan Fan sat sideways on the couch, not even looking up as she fastidiously applied a set of nail wraps.  She squinted at the image of the d20, adjusted, and then pressed it down onto her nail.  “Uh huh.”

“No, like, _really_ fucked up.”  A pair of hands flailed out to the sides in an attempt to emphasize the melodrama.  “I fucked up _hard_ , and I don’t know what to—hey!”

Lan Fan didn’t have to look up from the next nail wrap, a d12, to know that shoving her feet into where they were resting on Ed’s ribs had earned her a golden-eyed glare.

For his part, her apparent nonchalance was leaving Ed remarkably crabby.

“Did you even hear me?”

“Kind of hard not to.”

Ed whined, kicking his feet from where they draped over the back of the couch, glaring up at her.

“I’m serious!  That was—holy shit, the best date ever, even _without_ sex, but then I went and—and I can never face him again after _that!_ ”

“Then delete his texts and number.”  She moved on to the d8.

“But he was so _hot._  And he understood my alchemy!  And charming, and—”

“Okay, then text him back!”  This time she did look up, only one nail wrap left and exasperation bleeding through, just a little.

“After what happened?  No way!”

“Well, you’ll keep feeling like shit until you decide one way or another,” she pointed out, voice matter-of-fact.

“You’re the worst.”

“I know.”

He grunted and reached for his phone, unlocking it and staring.  Ed supposed he _could_ , but…

Roy Mustang was _way_ too classy for Ed’s disaster of an ass.  He had probably only texted back to be polite, anyway.

He dropped the phone back onto his stomach as Lan Fan began to file the edges of the wraps on her nails.  “ _This_ is the worst.”

She sighed and looked up, opening her mouth to speak, when Ed’s phone rang.

He jumped at the sudden vibration on his skin, reaching down to grab at it, fumbling with the device as he twisted to push himself into a sitting position.  As he lifted it, he realized that it had stopped ringing—and the bottom dropped out of his stomach as he realized why.

In his clumsiness, he had swiped at the ‘answer’ icon, probably due to the coating on his automail arm that made smartphones sensitive to the metal.  And the words “Roy Mustang” stared back at him, the seconds of the call beginning to tick.

For a moment, he almost lifted the phone to his ear.  He would really _like_ to hear Roy Mustang’s voice again.

But the mortifying memory of that night rocked through him, too strong to resist.  With a panicked, barely audible hiss of “ _Cover for me!_ ”, he shoved the phone over to Lan Fan.

The nail file clattered to the ground, and she barely managed to catch it.  Blinking down at the screen, she froze, then lifted her eyes to stare at Ed in horror, shaking her head.

He motioned insistently towards her, and after a few moments of frantic movements and obscene gestures, she lifted the phone to her ear.

“Hello?”

Ed immediately wanted to dive out the window for not thinking to put him on speaker.

“Oh.”  Lan Fan barely squeaked the word out, and he almost felt bad.  “Of course you are.”

Ed buried his face in his hands.

A snapping sound, and he looked back up.  Lan Fan pointed to Ed, then the phone, expression stony.  Ed shook his head, setting his jaw in a mulish expression, then mouthed, _tell him I can’t talk!_

She shook her head furiously, lips tight, and if the thought of taking the phone back didn’t leave him physically nauseous after what had happened the other night, he would have taken mercy on her.  As it was, he crossed his arms, sat back, and glowered.

Her shoulders hunched, and in slow motion, Ed caught the slight widening of her eyes, the subtle shift to ‘panic’ as the silence dragged on, that meant she was about to do something very stupid.

Ed, paralyzed by his own horror, could only sit and watch, helpless.

“I’m sorry,” she choked out.  “I’m a little…  He… died.”

The icy horror had frozen him solid, and Ed could only watch, as if a spectator to a horrible train crash.

“I… I’m sorry,” Lan Fan continued, forcing down a bark of what Ed recognized as hysterical laughter.  “It was two weeks ago or so.  Very sudden.”  Her voice cracked, and Ed could see her beginning to shake with suppressed laughter, though more from disbelief than amusement.  “He was… he’s always been a daredevil.”  For a moment, she couldn’t contain the laugh, and it came out as panicked as Ed was feeling.  “He fell into a cement mixer while he was climbing.  It was awful.”

Ed’s hands flew up to cover his mouth, but somehow, he couldn’t force them forward to stop the disaster right in front of him.  Exposing her would expose himself, and then what would Roy think of him?

The two of them sat in stunned silence for several moments, Ed staring into an empty space between the two of them.  He barely realized that Lan Fan was talking again until he heard, “Of course.  I can show you where, if you’d like?”

His head jerked up to her, and he finally reached for the phone.  She flung out her automail hand, planted it in the middle of his chest, and shoved, sending him toppling back.

“Don’t worry.  Um, my name is Lan Fan.  We should probably exchange numbers.”

As they did so, Ed finally managed to scramble to his feet.  By the time he had shoved himself up, however, she had hung up and was digging through her purse, not even looking at Ed.

“Cement mixer?” he howled.

She glanced up, eyes frantic.  “It was the first thing that came to mind.”

“How is cement mixer the first thing that comes to mind?  Car accident!  Stress aneurysm from finals!  Motorcycle accident!” he finished, gesturing at Lan Fan’s left arm, which had needed replacing after just that.  “Or even—fuck, you could have just said I was in the _shower!_ ”

“I don’t _like_ phones!” she hissed, yanking out a piece of chalk and glaring.  “You know that.”  She paused, then stuck out her hands at him.  “Fix my nails.”

With an irritated noise, he clapped his hands together, then touched her fingers.  Both sets of nail wraps immediately trimmed themselves, leaving Lan Fan with a perfect set of nails, now decorated with Dungeons and Dragons dice.

“Thank you, but if the ones on the automail fingers chip before I get a chance to cure it, you’re buying me three new sets.”  She turned, lifted the chalk, and began to draw on the dormitory wall.

“I should’ve just fuckin’ taken your hand off at your wrist.  What are you doing _now?_  Why did you just exchange numbers with _my_ date?  Are you and your boyfriend _seriously_ going to hook up with the guy _I’m_ going out with?”

“Well, you’re not going out with him anymore.  You’re dead.”  She dropped the chalk back into her purse, dusted her hands off, and pressed them to the circle.  Alchemical lightning flared, and when she turned back, Ed still sputtering, she held a very passable gravestone in her hands.

“No!” Ed screeched, lunging forward.  “ _No!_ ”

She dodged nimbly out of the way, sticking out a leg to trip him.  Before he could climb up off the floor—again—she had headed over to the door.

“He wants to pay his respects.  After what you made me say, it’s the least I can do for him.”

“I didn’t make you do _anything!_ ” he shouted after her.  But by then, the door had already slammed shut.

—

Ed had thought things couldn’t get much worse.   _Any_ worse, really.  But that was before Lan Fan’s absence grew from one hour to two, to a suspicious _three_ , and still no sign of her.

He debated calling Roy, explaining the entire mess, but the thought of speaking to him about this embarrassment on _top_ of what had happened on the date…

He couldn’t do it.

After four hours, the clock had nearly hit 5 p.m., and Ed had nearly shattered his teeth gnawing on his automail fingers out of anxiety.

 _where are you????_ he texted frantically, unable to restrain himself any longer.

_Your memorial service._

Ed dropped the phone.

After several moments fumbling to retrieve the phone and then settling his shaking fingers enough to text, he began to type again.

_WHY IS THERE A MEMORIAL SERVICE??????????_

_Ling.  Text later.  Disrespectful to the dead._

This time, Ed threw the phone.

—

By the time she got home, the three large pizzas she carried were the first, second, and third reasons he didn’t plant a foot in the middle of her chest and send her tumbling right back down the stairs.

(That, and he knew she would have caught the leg and had him in a pile on the floor anyway, but semantics.)

Ed had shoved three slices of meat lover’s into his mouth and one of anchovies by the time he had calmed down long enough to talk.

“This—this is too much!” he managed, after guzzling a glass water to emphasize his point.  “How did you manage to pull that off, anyway?  There’s no way he bought it!”

“I texted a bunch of people, Ling included, and told them that Ling was doing a performance art piece for one of his finals and that they had two hours to be ready.  When Ling found out, he spun it as some mess about being representative of ‘the suddenness of death’ or some shit.  And they had a bunch of leftover costumes from Autumn Slumbering last semester.  So don’t worry,” she finished earnestly.  “He totally bought it.”

“Don’t… don’t _worry?_ ” Ed choked out, momentarily forgetting how to breathe.  “How is that supposed to make me not worry?  That isn’t comforting at _all!_ ”

“Well, he needed closure.  If you had seen that awful expression on his face, you would have agreed.  I felt _terrible._ ”  She sighed.  “And this way, he doesn’t think you’re some kind of death-faking headcase now,” she said matter-of-factly, as if that should be obvious.

“No,” Ed croaked.  “He thinks I’m _dead!_ ”

The blank look Lan Fan had on her face as she stared at him could not have more clearly said, _Yeah, but that’s not nearly as bad as being thought a death-faking headcase._  Ed threw up his arms.

“Can we find me a cement mixer?” was all he asked.  “Because at this point, I think I’d rather just be there.”

“No,” Lan Fan said firmly, finishing up the last slice of the barbecued brisket pizza.  To further exacerbate Ed’s irritation, she hadn’t even given him a chance to try a slice.  “Because I need your help putting this back into the wall so no one notices.”

From under the third pizza box, she pulled out the headstone.

Ed’s own head just hit the table.


	3. Edris

**Three Months Later**

Ed waited outside the Suncenz on the baking hot sidewalk, basking in the sun, glad to be out of the frigid air conditioning.  Amestris might be considered hot to the natives, but Ed had to scoff.  Xerxes was desert country, and these city fools had no idea what hot actually felt like.

Besides, his automail arm was  _ freezing. _

He lifted his hazelnut mocha and pressed it up against where the port met skin, the warmth seeping in where the sun had yet to do its job.  Once the metal had settled to a more reasonable temperature, he lifted the mocha to take a sip.  He had always loved summer: after spending so much time out of the lab, the sun had given his golden hair subtle copper highlights that he hadn’t had since he was younger, and this year he had actually  _ tanned _ , his light brown skin darkening to an even deeper shade of bronze.  He had found that he liked it so much that he didn’t even mind wearing his tank top to show it off.  He still found himself hesitating when glances lingered on his automail scars, but usually staring the offender down tended to make them catch themself and quickly turn away.

Relax.  He was supposed to be relaxing.  Classes had let out for the semester, and while his PhD program had coursework to do over the summer, he had demands on all sides to at least take a small break before classes started again.  Al, Lan Fan, Ling, Winry, and just about everyone else he knew would yell at him if he snuck back on campus to do some more research.

But Ed had hit a  _ breakthrough. _  The knowledge he gained when he had opened the Gate so many years ago had always sat with him, but that did no good for anyone else.  You couldn’t publish a research paper about what you and maybe a few other people in the world only intuited.  And as far as he knew, no one else had ever done so before and lived to tell the tale.

Until now.

Though the text in question was in archaic Xerxesian, barely readable, Ed had spent his last month of school carefully studying and doing his best to translate it into something he could better comprehend.  The author seemed to tell a story of tragedy, of losing his love and wanting to see her again, and the terrible price he had paid for his hubris.  The bits Ed had managed to pull out hadn’t mentioned human transmutation yet, or even alchemy, but he was hopeful.

Ignoring the orders to ‘relax or else’ that several people had impressed upon him, he cast his mind back to the bits of the manuscript pages he had yet to translate.  A photographic memory could be a pain in the ass, but he had spent so much time poring over it that he could at least try to make a little bit of progress while waiting.

The verb forms of the language had shifted dramatically over the past several hundred years, and add that to the fact that plenty of their meanings were dependent on context and you had a giant mess; the passage in question that currently stymied him could mean several things, and none of them quite seemed to—

“Ed?”

Ed turned at the voice, vaguely familiar but not so much that he could immediately place it, and then choked on his mocha.

Roy motherfucking Mustang, fine Xingese features narrowed slightly in confusion, in a thin white t-shirt soaked slightly with sweat and jeans tight enough to be damned unfair, stood four feet away from him, staring at Ed as if he had just seen a ghost.

Which, Ed guessed he might have, technically.

“Edward Elric?” Roy repeated, and Ed flinched.  He needed an excuse, a savior, a—

“Oh,” he said, trying to keep his voice calm, if a little forlorn.  “You… must have known my cousin.”

There was no way Roy was going to believe him.  Cousin?   _ Really? _  His mouth had a mind of its own that was almost as bad as Lan Fan’s; they should both really get that looked at.

Roy drew back, brow narrowing further.  “What?”

“Edward Elric,” Ed said, wincing, but if he blew it  _ now _ , he would seem like the most idiotic, creepiest person on the planet, hands down.  “Yeah, um, we looked a lot alike.  Most of our family does.”  Technically, that bit wasn’t a lie: he, Al, and his jerkoff dad’s younger pictures were practical dead ringers for each other.  “Sorry.  He died, a few months back.”

To his surprise, Ed watched Roy deflate in disappointment.  “Oh.  Yeah, he did.  I’m sorry.”  He glanced up, mouth curving up in a wry smile.  “Yeah.  I’m Roy.”

Ed stared at the hand Roy had extended, swallowing.  He could stop this now, keep it from going any farther, but if he told the truth, he could only imagine how being told “Yeah, I faked my death to get away from dating you” would make a guy feel.  Besides, then he’d also have to explain himself, and there was  _ no  _ reasonable explanation for what had happened.

(A goddamn  _ memorial service. _ )

He reached out his own.  “Edris.  Careful, the hand is cold.”

Roy shook politely, and Ed held his breath, praying that Roy wouldn’t catch on.  Technically, since the name was pronounced “eed-riss,” it was easy to miss the fact that the first syllable had the same spelling as Edward.  Honestly, he should have gone with something  _ completely _ different, but Edris had been the first thing to pop out of his mouth.

He just hoped no one else he knew ever found out that he had chosen that name.  He would never live it down.

“Your cousin’s name happened to be Ed, too?”

_ Shit. _

Ed glanced back up at him, withdrawing his hand.  Unlike Ed, Roy had apparently not gotten any time in the sun this summer, as his skin was as pale as the foam on a cappuccino.  Still devastatingly attractive, though.  God dammit.

“They’re very different names,” he finally said.  “Edris is a traditional Xerxesian name.  Um… Ed’s mom isn’t—wasn’t Xerxesian, so she went Amestrian.  Just a coincidence, really.”

“Edris.  I’m sorry.  I didn’t mean to assume.”  He smiled faintly.  “Or be disrespectful of your heritage, either.  I apologize.”  He inclined his head, almost like he was performing an old-fashioned bow.  Was this guy for  _ real? _  “I didn’t know Ed for very long.  He never got around to telling me about his family.”

Ed hesitated for a moment, thinking things through.  Roy didn’t seem like he was just humoring Ed, and he was just oozing sincerity.  He took a quick stock of his appearance: ponytail instead of braid, darker skin, and automail arm out and visible, which he had very deliberately covered on their date.  Besides, Roy had only seen him for a few hours three months ago.

He might actually be able to pull this off.

“Yeah, it’s… pretty awkward,” he finally said, glancing down at his drink, wondering if he could somehow chug it fast enough that he choked and died.  Or maybe the sidewalk would be hot enough that he could pour it out and open up a crack, which could swallow him whole.

Technically, he guessed he could, if he clapped his hands together…

“I’m sorry about that.  I didn’t mean for it to be.”

Ed jumped a little, looking back up at Roy, at the soft sadness in those dark eyes.  Ed had never really been able to decide what color they were; this close the irises looked black, but Ed wanted to get even closer and find out.

“Oh, no, I mean—at the family.  Among the family gatherings.  That’s—what I mean,” he finished lamely.

Roy’s eyebrows raised slightly, and he nodded in acknowledgement.  “Why’s that?”

“Because we look so similar.  My brother does, too.  And my dad—well, we all look like him when he was younger.”  He made a face, unable to keep from grimacing.

Roy’s mouth had shifted into a slight, wistful smile.  “You do.  I’m very sorry for bringing it up again.”

Ed just waved his free hand.  “Nah, it’s okay.  We weren’t super close.”  He shrugged.  “How did you know Ed?”

Roy cleared his throat, then looked slightly embarrassed.  Too late, Ed remembered the reason this entire mess had started in the first place, how horribly he had fucked up on that date, what awful and mortifying memories must be flashing through Roy’s mind right this very second—

“One of my friends set me up on a date with him.  It went fan… really well.”

Ed blinked.  Then he blinked again.  Then he considered cleaning out his ears and asking Roy to repeat himself, but that might be a little too obvious.

“…Seriously?”

Roy nodded, and he glanced away, over Ed’s shoulder, and the tiny flicker of pain that seemed to appear in his eyes for just a moment left Ed’s gut churning.  “Yes.  Your cousin was… very brilliant.  He had a passion for alchemy that I’ve rarely seen.”

“Oh.”  Fuck.   _ Fuck.   _ Roy had thought the date had gone  _ well? _  But after—no, no, he just had to be showing mercy for Ed’s poor cousin, respecting the dead.  “It… uh, kind of runs in the family.”

Interest lit up on Roy’s face, and he turned back to watch Ed again.  He felt a little guilty for saying it, but he would probably say worse to have Roy’s attention on him again.

So he did.

“Yeah, most of us have studied it.  His dad, me, my brother.  Right now I’m actually working on—”  Shit, what had he told Roy on their date?  He quickly scrambled for information that he  _ knew _ Roy didn’t know.  “My PhD.”

…All right, so maybe he knew that Roy would find that impressive, too.

“Your…”  Roy coughed slightly, unconcealed admiration on his face.  “That’s amazing.  How old are you?  If you don’t mind my asking.”

“Twenty-two,” Ed quickly lied, increasing his age by a year.  “I mean, not tryin’ to brag or nothing.  I just… y’know.”  He spread his arms, coffee still in one hand.  “I really like alchemy.”

“You must, putting that much effort into it,” Roy breathed.  “That’s amazing.”

The adoration in Roy’s eyes just made Ed’s stomach do cartwheels, and he swallowed, hard.

“Well, I’m sorry that you didn’t, uh, get to date him again.”

Roy’s lips twisted in a sheepish smile.  “And I’m sorry as well.  I know I came across as insensitive.  My apologies.  He was great, and I was confused when I saw you.”  He hesitated, then pulled out a small case and handed over a business card.  “I have a psychologist on staff.  She normally works with veterans, but if any of your family needs help, just give her a call.”

Ed stared at the card in his hand.   _ Roy Mustang, Judge Advocate General’s Corps. _  It was  _ embossed. _

“Holy shit,” Ed muttered, then glanced up.  “Staff?”

“I’m an attorney.  I run my own practice.  We focus on veteran’s affairs.”

Right.  Roy had briefly mentioned being military.  And a lawyer.  He hadn’t mentioned that he had a  _ staff _ , though.

He cleared his throat and arranged his features in an impressed expression.  “An attorney?  Pretty cool.”

The genuine nature of Roy’s smile melted Ed’s insides.

“Thanks.  Trying to deal with the law on your own is daunting; when the military gets involved, it can be even more so.  And since I’ve been there, out on the ground, going through the same thing, people are more comfortable working with me.”

Ed opened his mouth to spew some bullshit about Roy being a good person—except it wasn’t bullshit; Roy really  _ was _ fantastic—when he heard a “hey!” from behind him.

Ed’s chest went cold as Lan Fan stepped out of the Suncenz, holding something with an obscene amount of whipped cream.  As she spotted Ed’s company, she froze.

Roy turned, and the kind smile dashed any hopes that he might not recognize her.

“Oh,” she stammered.  “Hi.”

“Hi.  Lan Fan, right?”

Ed swallowed, glancing back and forth between the two of them.  “You two know each other?  Roy says he dated my cousin.  Edward.”

Lan Fan blinked slowly, then turned to stare Ed down.  “Uh huh.”

Roy’s smile turned awkward.  “I’m sorry.  I didn’t realize you and Edris—”  Lan Fan’s eyes widened slightly at the name drop, but thankfully said nothing.  “—were friends as well.”  He looked between the two of them curiously.     
I feel like I’m missing something.”

“No, nothing!”  Lan Fan took an innocent sip of her coffee.  “It looks like I’m the one interrupting.”

Ed glanced back over at Roy, and they exchanged a bewildered look.  He shrugged helplessly.

“You two should go out.”

The widening of Roy’s dark eyes mirrored Ed’s own as they processed for several heartbeats.

“ _ What? _ ” they both yelped in unison, turning to gape at her.  Roy sloshed his own coffee everywhere.

Lan Fan sipped at her concoction, watching them, unimpressed.

“Listen.  E-Edris has been bitching about being single for ages.  I’m tired of hearing him gripe.  I can see the way he’s looking at you.  I don’t blame him.  You’re gorgeous.  And exactly his type.  And he’s obviously yours.  He’s not bad-looking, either.”

Ed was too busy gaping at her to be offended.  Roy managed to speak first.

“Lan Fan, I’m not… sure dating someone who looks like his deceased cousin is going to go over with, well, anyone.”

“I won’t tell.”  She sipped at her drink nonchalantly, and Ed would have strangled her if he hadn’t so desperately wanted Roy to say yes.  “If you decided to stop someone on the street who looked like that guy you saw one time three months ago, you definitely have baggage to sort out.  You could get closure.”

Roy choked a little, unable to hide the pained expression on his face.  “You think I should date Edris for closure?  That wouldn’t be fair to him.”

“Somehow, I don’t think  _ Edris _ will mind.”

As they both turned to face him, Ed buried his face in his hands.

And then Roy fucking said—

“Closure would be the last reason  I would want to date him.”

Ed’s heart did about twenty backflips.

Honestly, objectively, this was a terrible idea.  If he had any self-respect whatsoever, he would fess up, right this instant.  Roy might even still be willing to go out with him.

But still.  Learning that someone had  _ faked their death _ to get out of talking to you?

Ed couldn’t do it.

He lowered his hands, watching Roy out of the corner of his eye.  “We could try coffee,” he said, voice quiet.  “If you wanted.”

Roy blinked at Ed slowly, then reached out towards the business card still caught in Ed’s grasp.  Ed returned it, and Roy flipped it over, scribbling a number on it before handing it back.  Though his expression still held a faint hint of awkwardness, more distracting was the small, handsome smile playing at his lips.

“I wouldn’t be opposed to that at all.”

With a swallow, Ed tucked it into his pocket.  After a moment, despite himself, he beamed.

Roy leaned backwards slightly, looking almost surprised, then returned the smile, this one easier than the last.  “Does Friday work?”

“Friday would be great,” Ed replied, voice a little more breathless than he would have liked.  “We can figure out a time later?”

Roy nodded, and Ed’s chest did that thing again.


	4. Edris

As soon as he was positive Roy was out of earshot, Ed whirled to face Lan Fan.

“You’re the worst!” he shrieked, free hand flailing out to the side.  “The actual  _ WORST! _ ”

Lan Fan continued to sip her drink as she watched him, unconcerned.  “Yeah, I know.  But so are you, for making me play him.”

Ed choked.  “You’re the one who told him I was  _ dead. _ ”

“We’ve been over this—”

“And then set me up?  What was the fucking  _ point  _ of that, even?”

“Listen, he was clearly distraught and still interested in you!  And  _ you _ haven’t stopped moping for the past three months!”

“We went on one disastrous date!”

“It clearly mattered to  _ him. _ ”

Ed groaned, chugging at his mocha and beginning to pace.  “I should have told him I didn’t know him and left.”

Lan Fan shrugged.  “Well, now you have to tell him the truth.”  Ed skidded to a halt as she continued.  Was  _ that _ why she had pulled that bullshit?!  “I saw the way you were looking at him.  You  _ still _ want to climb him like a tree.”

“Like  _ fuck _ I’m gonna tell him!” Ed spat.

“You’re going to get married to him as Edris?”

“I’M NOT GOING TO MARRY HIM!”

Lan Fan neatly sidestepped Ed’s strangling motions.  “You’re going to go on a date with the man of your dreams as your dead self’s cousin, and you expect it to turn out well?”

Ed let out a bark of furious laughter.  “Better than if it were real.  I won’t be offended if he yells out ‘Edward’ during sex.”

Lan Fan scoffed right back.  “At this rate, you’ll fake your own death out of embarrassment before you even get to second base.  Oh, wait.”

Ed’s shoulders slumped, and he groaned, covering his face again.  “He’ll be  _ furious. _ ”

“The longer you keep it up, the angrier he’ll be.”

He dropped his hands and glared.  “I’m not gonna fucking tell him.”

Lan Fan just sniffed haughtily.  “If you don’t tell him by the time he proposes, I will.”

Ed swallowed anxiously at the thought.  “He’s not gonna propose.”

“You also told me that the date went disastrously, and we know how astute you were about that.  He might, someday.”

Ed lifted his coffee cup to guzzle the remainder, the hot liquid almost burning his throat.  Good.  Burn out the thought of that  _ ever _ happening.  Crushing it in his automail fist, he chucked it viciously into a nearby trash can.

“Then Edris can die, too.”

She whirled, exasperation plain on her face.  “ _ No! _  Fuck, you can’t keep reincarnating as family members!”

Ed slumped.  There really would be no other alternative.  “I won’t reincarnate.  I didn’t even mean to  _ this _ time.”

She sighed and buried herself behind her drink, either not knowing or not caring about the dab of whipped cream on her nose.  Ed shuddered and looked away.  “Only you would have these problems.”

Ed shot her a nasty look.  “This is  _ your _ fault.”

“You acted like the date had left you unable to face him ever again, when  _ he  _ clearly thought it went fine.  If anyone overreacted—”

“You’re the one who panicked and told him I was  _ dead. _ ”

“Enough about that already,” she muttered.  “You have more important things to worry about.”

“Yeah, like you fucking up something—”

“Shut up,  _ Edris. _ ”

Feeling his face grow hot, he looked away, saying nothing more.

—

Ed swallowed as he glanced up at the sign.  See You Latte.  The best kept local secret in Central, and ten times better than Suncenz.

Objectively. He probably should have thought before recommending it.  If he did end up having to fake his death a second time, he would never be able to visit again.

At least he had sort of dressed nice for his date as Ed; this time, he could let his style run wild.  The leather pants were a very subtle apology to Roy for everything Ed had put him through.  If Roy didn’t appreciate them, he was secretly straight.

“Oh,” came a deep, soft voice from behind him.

Ed whirled, jumpier than he would have liked to be, and as he caught sight of Roy, his mouth went dry.

Of  _ course _ Roy had chosen an ivory Henley.  Of  _ course _ it was mostly unbuttoned and rolled up at the sleeves.  And of fucking  _ course  _ he had on a pair of slim-fitting, dark-wash jeans that hugged his legs so well that Ed swore they had to be tailored.

“Isn’t it a little hot for you to be wearing that?” Ed grumbled in an attempt to hide the unreasonable pounding noise that his heart was making.

“Now that you’re nearby?  I have to say that it is.”

Ed wondered if it was possible to die of embarrassment.  Probably.  And it was only the prospect of Roy digging for his driver’s license and discovering Ed’s real identity that kept him going.

As Ed fumbled for an answer that didn’t leave him looking like a complete idiot, Roy stepped forward.

On their first date, Roy had actually pressed the gentlest of kisses to the back of Ed’s knuckles.  Ed had managed to hold it together at the time, but he might have just combusted right then and there if Roy had decided on a repeat performance.  Luckily, although he executed a slight bow as he did so, all he did was reach out and open the door.

Also luckily, that Ed stepped in before Roy did and spotted the barista on staff at the same time as she did.

“Hey, E—”

“—Eyyyyy!” Ed interrupted, loud enough to cause several nearby patrons to jump and glare.  Ignoring them, he waved wildly at Rose, jogging up to the counter and lowering his voice.  “Ix-nay on the Ed-way!” he hissed.

She shot him a confused glance, but her eyes widened slightly as Roy stepped up behind him.

“Is everything all right, Edris?”

Rose choked at the name, staring at Ed in shock, but at Ed’s pleading look, said nothing of it.  Instead she simply asked, “What can I get you guys today?”

“The usual,” Ed replied, too quickly, but Roy either pretended not to notice or genuinely didn’t.  Ed quickly paid.

He watched Roy peruse the menu, eyes flickering over his profile.  Though it had been months since Ed had last seen him, he could still tell that Roy was as gorgeous as always.  Even more gorgeous, possibly: it seemed like Roy hadn’t gotten himself a haircut in the intervening months, and the slight shagginess of the bangs that fell into Roy’s eyes suited him.  His already narrow eyes had narrowed further in concentration, and just the thought of what they could do with a mere sidelong glance had Ed swallowing.

“I’ll have a caramel macchiato with an extra shot, please.”  Simple.  Sophisticated.  Confident.  Just like Roy.

God  _ damn. _

“Coming right up!” she chirped, shooting Ed a sidelong look that demanded explanations later.  Ed made a mental note to avoid her for the rest of forever.

Roy turned to find them a table, pulling a chair out for Ed and then sitting in one himself.

“Somewhat belated,” he began in that rich voice of his, “but good morning, Edris.  How was your week?”

Ed cracked his neck in an attempt to appear nonchalant about the things that voice did to him.  “Eh, pretty uneventful.  My friends yell at me when I spent too much time working on my shit.”  He grinned.  “Did get picked up to tutor for some extra cash, though, so that’s cool.”

Roy smiled over at him, faint but proud, and Ed swallowed down his guilt.  “Impressive but unsurprising.  Alchemy, I assume?”

“Physics, actually,” Ed replied, slightly distracted with the way a few locks of hair fell into Roy’s face.  “I mean, I study both, but honestly, no one fuckin’ wants me to teach them alchemy, not at an undergrad level.  Too complicated.”

Roy raised an eyebrow.  “Confident, I see.”

With a flush, Ed scowled.  “Hey, if I can do it—”

“Edris!”  Rose’s voice rang out through the coffee shop.  “And… friend!”

With a slight huff, Ed hopped up, trotting over to snag the coffees and then returning.

“Thank you.  And I wasn’t criticizing, simply commenting.”  Roy tilted his head.  “Alchemy, physics, anything else?”

“Mathematics,” Ed replied instantly, thinking back to his favorite classes.  “Fuck, I love math.  It all makes sense.  Well, usually—ever heard of P versus NP?”

“Briefly, but I’m not as familiar as I’d like to be.  Refresh me?”

A cautious look in Roy’s direction revealed that he was not, in fact, condescending Ed, and seemed to be sincere.  Ed relaxed slightly and began to speak.

The math problem had to be over half a century old, and the person to solve it would win plenty of fame and fortune—and a hefty payout as well.  Roy seemed to grasp this: he also seemed to grasp that this wasn’t why Ed was interested.  What drew him in was the challenge of an unsolvable puzzle.

Roy was no mathematician, of course, and Ed often found himself having to backtrack and clarify a concept that he simply took for granted.  But that didn’t lower his opinion of Roy: it increased it tenfold.  Roy didn’t know mathematics, no, but the questions he leveled at Ed demonstrated a quick adaptability to unknown situations and an almost uncanny ability to know just what to ask in order to get a better grasp on them.  Ed found himself locked in Roy’s intent, fascinated gaze as he spoke and gestured and emoted, so much so that when Roy’s expression changed to one of alarm, Ed found himself startled into silence as they both stared down at Roy’s coffee cup.

“It’s cold,” Roy said in a voice that bordered on pouty, and Ed reached for his own.  Taking a sip, he discovered that his had grown frigid as well.

“Oops?”  He blinked at the cup, then at Roy, then at the clock on the wall.  “Oh.  Shit.”

Still, no need to let good coffee go to waste.  He tilted the cup back and promptly chugged it.  When he lowered it, Roy looked like he might be trying not to laugh.

“I  _ was _ just going to offer to buy you another cup.”

Ed froze, parsing the words.  Roy wanted to buy Ed more coffee.  Right now.  Which… possibly meant that he wanted to spend more time with Ed—or, at least, Edris.

Ed licked his lips, casting about for how to test this theory.

“Well, you still could.  We could… uh, there’s a park nearby, if you want to walk around and talk about… more stuff.  You like alchemy, too, right?”

Roy’s grin at the invitation sent Ed’s heart leaping in his chest with such force that it almost put him in his grave.

Again.

Ed actually decided on something cold this time, perfect for the weather, and as they wandered down the sidewalk next to a lake, drinks long-finished and discarded, Ed caught himself coming to the decisive realization that he never wanted Roy to stop talking.

“So you can understand why the ethics of alchemy have become a personal passion of mine,” Roy finished, turning to look at Ed, who was watching, enraptured.  “Obviously it can be used for great destruction, but the  _ how _ isn’t always put into perspective the way it should be.  I’ve seen… a lot, in my time in the military.”

The flicker of pain on his face left Ed suspicious that there was much more to this story, but Ed didn’t feel as if he had the right to push, not with the way his expression immediately tended towards concealment.  Besides, the brief mention of Roy’s specialty—flame alchemy—probably already told Ed more than he wanted to know.

“Yeah,” Ed replied, voice quiet.  “I guess I do.  I… well, my own research, if I manage it, it’s probably gonna blow a few holes wide open.  Not… usable by everyone, but definitely something I haven’t thought about as much as I should’ve.”  He paused, debating internally, then made the leap.

“Maybe you’d like to help me, when it gets to that point.”

Ed caught the flicker of pleased surprise across Roy’s face before his expression settled into something fond and agreeable.  “I would be honored.”

With a sigh, Ed shot Roy a look of mock-exasperation out of the corner of his eye.  “Fuck.  Are you  _ ever _ capable of sounding like you’re not from a goddamn fairy tale or something?”

“That’s a little unfair,” Roy murmured, watching Ed thoughtfully, “for someone who I could have sworn has literally stepped from a dream.”

Ed’s face immediately went nearly hot enough to combust.  Trying to force himself to retort in a semi-coherent fashion, he only managed to choke out a few sounds.  Giving up on words, he instead reached out to shove at Roy’s shoulder.

By itself, the shove didn’t do much, simply sent Roy stumbling a few steps off the sidewalk.  And that would have been that.

If he hadn’t tripped over the goose.

The creature let out a furious honk that left both of them jumping out of their skins, flapping its wings at Roy and hissing menacingly.  Another goose, sensing trouble for its comrade, waddled in to join the fray, and then another.  With a yelp of alarm, Roy careened backwards—

—losing his footing as he stepped over the edge of the pond.  With another, louder yell, Roy motherfucking Mustang, smoothest and most charming bastard in Central, fell straight onto his ass with a massive splash.

“ _ Fuck! _ ”

It took a few moments of processing for Ed’s brain to catch up with the reality of what had just happened.  He wasn’t sure what did it—the alarmed, disbelieving expression on Roy’s face; the uncharacteristic profanity in the yell; the geese hissing triumphantly from the water’s edge—but he tilted his head back and left out a howl of laughter.

The sound escaped his lungs with an almost hysterical note, ringing in the summer air, sending the geese scattering.  Once started, he couldn’t seem to stop, the bursts raising in pitch as it became harder and harder to breathe.

And with each laugh, he seemed to be expelling something dark and heavy that had been festering in his lungs, sending it dissipating into nothing, leaving him lighter and freer than he had been in quite some time as tears streamed down his face.  Even if it would only last for a little while, at least he had it now.

And every time he caught sight of Roy’s aggrieved expression behind black bangs plastered to his forehead, he dissolved again.

“Thanks so much for the offer of help,” Roy muttered, finally shoving himself up, dark jeans plastered with mud and water.  With a remarkably diva-like toss of his head, he flipped his hair out of his eyes, sending water droplets spattering everywhere.  He squelched up the grass back to the sidewalk and Ed, who had finally remembered how to breathe again.  “Really appreciate it.”

“Shut up, Mustang,” Ed gasped, face aching from the width of his smile.  He reached out, gripped the front of Roy’s Henley, and yanked him forward for a kiss.

Roy tasted like pond water.  Ed didn’t care.


	5. Edris

It was a much more subdued Ed who slunk in through the door of his apartment a few hours later.

“God, you look like someone died.”

Ling’s cackling was quickly cut off by a sharp smack to the arm from Lan Fan, who lifted her head from where it had been resting back on Ling’s stomach, elbow propped on the couch.  “The date go that bad?”

“Worse,” Ed replied, voice heavy as he glanced away, staring at nothing in particular.  “It went  _ great. _ ”

“So what’s the problem?” Ling asked, not even bothering to make the same amount of effort of Lan Fan and remaining reclined on the couch.

“The problem is that Ed likes him now, right?  Like,  _ like _ likes him.  So now he’s realizing that making his best friend lie on the phone about him dying was a  _ terrible _ idea.”

Ed shot Lan Fan a glare, but there was no arguing with her when she acted matter-of-fact like that.  “It means I need new best friends.”  Ed sighed, trudging over to the couch, and smacked at their twined legs before they shifted to sit up, awkwardly having to fumble around each other to disentangle.  The sight gave him a little satisfaction, at least.  He sat in the spot that the legs had once occupied.

“Well, we were talking about alchemy—”

“You say that like you ever talk about anything else.”

Ed flicked Lan Fan’s kneecap before continuing.  “And I just about went into some details about my research that I think I talked about on the date.  The first one.  I’m like two seconds from blowing my cover at any given time, and I  _ hate _ it.”

“You could, oh, I don’t know.  Tell him the truth?”

The look that Ed and Ling both shot Lan Fan—Ed’s murderous, Ling’s horrified—had her rolling her eyes, lifting her hands into the air, and standing, jostling Ling as she did so.

“Okay, so.”  Ling settled immediately into Lan Fan’s spot, like a cat seeking warmth right where it wasn’t wanted.  “You need a cover story.”

Ed stared despondently over at him.  “Or I could just fake my death again.”

“No!  That’s no way to talk.  All right, so what does he know about you?  The dead you.  We can make a cover story for all of that and then drill it into you.”

Ed squinted at Ling, but despite Lan Fan rolling her eyes at the both of them, it  _ did _ seem like a pretty sound plan.  “Yeah, okay.  So, I told him I had a brother, but not about him, ‘cause I know that I can ramble about Al a lot.  Not a lot of family stuff, really, not for a first date.  He also knows I’m studying alchemy, but I told him that ran in the family.”

“And he knows your specialization, yes?  And that you’re a PhD?”

“Specialization, yeah.  PhD, no.”

Both Ling and Lan Fan did a double take, until the former spoke up.  “Wait, you didn’t tell him that you were a PhD candidate?  You talk about that shit to anyone who’ll listen.”

Ed glared at Ling, then directed the look at Lan Fan.  “No, you shoved your stupid Cosmo magazine at me that night, right before, and it said never to let guys know that you’re smarter than them on the first date.  So I didn’t.”

Ling’s eyebrows shot up, and he looked absolutely  _ delighted _ —until Lan Fan frowned and spoke.

“Really?  I’m pretty sure I made it plenty clear to Ling that I was way smarter than him within the first, like, five minutes.  And I’ve still got him as a boyfriend.”

“Hey!”

Ed ignored Ling’s protest, just raising an eyebrow at her.  “Yeah, you’ve kept him, but it’s also  _ Ling. _  Some of us have standards.”

Lan Fan inclined her head slightly.  “Fair point.”

“I am  _ right here _ , you two!” Ling protested shrilly, straightening with indignation.

Lan Fan and Ed glanced over at him out of the corner of their eyes, shrugging and speaking in unison.  “We know.”

Ling let out a frustrated sigh, throwing himself onto the ground, but Lan Fan and Ed continued their discussion, putting together a cover story of a different specialization for Edris, similar enough that Ed could remember easily and provide some of the same information, but different enough from the cursory information Ed had given Roy initially that it wouldn’t raise too much suspicion.  Or any, hopefully.

And, of course, Ling couldn’t stay out of dramatics to save his life, so he quickly forgot his offense and joined back in.  Ed had to admit that he put together a pretty impressive fake background for Edris, and even had techniques for memorizing them—Ling referred to it as “getting into character,” but that felt too drama geek for Ed.  He would stick with alchemy nerd, thanks.

They finally put together something to their satisfaction, then settled back, Lan Fan reaching for the remote.  As she hesitated, however, the two of them turned to look at her.

“What?” Ed finally asked.

“Just…”  She sighed, then turned to look back at them.  “You don’t feel just a little bad, making this up, stringing him along?  When I told you to go out, I thought you’d fess up.  But this is starting to go a little far.”

Even Ling didn’t come to his defense.  Ed knew that the two of them might say something if they thought he was making totally stupid decisions, but they wouldn’t try to force the issue.

Ed eventually sighed as well, looking away.  “I know.  But… I’ll figure it out, if it comes to that.  Until then, I should at least make sure I like him enough to… to make it long-term.  And get to know him better, so I know how to tell him, right?”

They both nodded, slowly, but the two of them looked as unconvinced as Ed felt.

Because Ed already knew that he was in way, way too deep.

—

Roy had many regrets, and letting Edris pick the movie was one of them.  He had thought a month of knowing Edris by now would be enough to trust his taste.

He had been wrong.

Any movie billed as a horror and named  _ The Transmuting _ had Roy already leery of its quality, even before seeing the previews.  Said previews had only confirmed his suspicion.

He hadn’t thought it possible, but the movie was even worse than the previews.  Roy had to bite his tongue every single time a complex transmutation was performed with a simple circle, barely managing to avoid screaming, ‘Alchemy doesn’t  _ work _ that way!’  He pinched the bridge of his nose at one particularly cringeworthy part, where the hero was attempting to decipher a mysterious “alchemically-coded message” as the buxom romantic interest with no role other than to cheer on his intelligence stared blankly at it.  Roy could have told them the meaning without even cracking open a basic alchemy book.

“Fuck,” Edris breathed, and Roy’s stomach sank as he glanced over, wondering if their tastes might not be so compatible after all.

But what he saw didn’t quite seem to be genuine enjoyment.  Instead, the twisted grin seemed to be one of almost mocking glee.

“Holy shit, could he be even more of a moron?  I swear she isn’t giving him goo-goo eyes; that is the expression of a woman who’s realized the man she’s around is a complete tool.  Trust me, I’ve seen it before.  L—I’ve got a friend in academia, and she wants none of that shit.  She looks the same when some crusty old dude starts talkin’ down to her.”

Roy blinked, then turned back to the screen.  Though the scene was continuing in the same shitty vein, and it was certainly not the intent of her character, but given Edris’s insight, Roy wondered if the actress didn’t know more than the writers.  Slowly, the reality of the situation began to dawn.

“You picked this movie because you  _ knew _ it would be terrible.”

Edris did a double take at that, then gaped at Roy.  “Wh—of  _ fucking _ course I did!” he practically yelped, earning him glares and hissed “Shhhh!”s from other moviegoers.  Edris simply flipped them off.  “You thought that the fucking  _ Transmuting _ was gonna be good?”

“Of course I didn’t,” Roy hissed back, eyes darting around to ensure that they weren’t about to be kicked out or ganged up on.  “But  _ you  _ wanted to see it.  I thought you might be…”

At Edris’s betrayed expression, Roy immediately decided to stop talking.

“Of fucking course it’s terrible,” Edris muttered, turning back to the screen, but at least his voice was lower.  “Did you think otherwise?  That’s the entire point, to come make fun of it.”

"Oh."  Roy sat in silence for a few moments, then turned back to the screen.  The hero was now arguing with one of the most respected alchemists in their field, because the man (of course it was a man) wanted to interpret the "cryptic" puzzle one way, but the hero, despite being clueless five minutes ago, now had a wildly unorthodox theory about what to do with the information.  Of course, this unorthodox theory sounded suspiciously like basic alchemical knowledge, but what did Roy know.

“I mean, I’m pretty sure the dog in this scene knows more about alchemy than the hero.”

Edris's face creased slowly into a grin.

"Now you've got it, Roy."

The two of them traded barbs under their breath at each other, Roy at least keeping them quiet enough that they didn't anger the other patrons several seats away from them.  Ed had turned to talk into Roy’s ear to be heard, Roy had leaned into his space in return, and Roy found himself having so much fun that it wasn't until two-thirds of the way through that he realized they had taken each other's hands.

Afterwards, Roy vaguely proud of himself that he had managed to keep Ed from getting kicked out with his noisy disapproval, they walked slowly along the sidewalk outside of the theater, hands still clasped and swinging slightly.

"I enjoyed myself," Roy admitted.  "Much more than I thought I would have.  I've never seen a movie primarily for making fun of it before."

Edris let out a cackle.  "Man, then do I have a pastime for you.  I've got so many.  The trick is, if they're in the theater, make sure that you go after it's been out for a while.  That way, the theater gets most of the money and not the actual people who made the movie.  Don't give those shitheads your money.  Or you just download the movies.  I've got plenty, if you wanna do it again.  You can visit my place and we can pick something  _ really _ bad."

Roy laughed, leaning over to nudge Edris fondly in the shoulder.  "Didn't you say that you had schoolwork?  Don't get me wrong, I'm unbelievably impressed with your abilities to juggle a PhD at your age, but I don't think movie marathons are terribly conducive to that lab work you mentioned you were neglecting."  He turned to bump his forehead gently against Ed's temple.  "And while I'm flattered that you consider me worthy of ditching a night of work, though really, of course you did—"

"You're an asshole."

Roy only laughed as Edris smacked him lightly, then continued walking, twining their arms closer together.  "I'm just saying, I'd be remiss if I didn't encourage you to at least finish your work first.  Maybe over a break, though.  I'd like that."

Edris sighed, and Roy had to wonder how much of a break Edris usually got, with how specialized his work could be.  He squeezed his hand tighter.

"I don't mind waiting."

Edris froze, and Roy found himself nearly jerked backwards as he tried to continue forward without realizing.  For a moment, he worried that he had said something wrong, but when he turned, Edris looked like he had had an idea.

"You should come to my lab."

Roy's eyebrows shot up.  On the way to the theater, Edris had spent the entire time on a vicious verbal evisceration of some underclassmen who had gone into the lab and tried to "help."  The resulting mess, Edris had grumped, was why he had told them to only ever show up when he was there, and why they were only good for  _ holding things. _

"Can I get your word that, if I do, I'll leave with all of my limbs intact?"

Edris whirled, eyes wide, and too late, Roy realized the tactlessness of the statement.  He went immediately cold, and could physically feel the blood draining from his face as Edris dropped his hand.

"I... shit, Edris, I'm so sor—"

But Edris's cackling cut him off, and Roy watched, stunned, as he practically doubled over with laughter.

"Oh my god!" he finally managed to gasp between bursts of laughter.  "You're—that was  _ awful _ , holy shit.  I'm telling my brother the fucking second I get home.  I can't wait to see his face.  It'll be even better than yours, right now.  Oh, man, and La—also, I got a friend who's gonna love that."

Roy slowly felt the sensation return to his face, but he still wasn’t entirely sure how to feel about the situation.  Still, he found himself grateful that Edris wasn’t angry.

Edris turned to him, still smirking—looking positively delighted, really.  “So, yeah, I promise.  Is that a yes?”  He extended his hand, and Roy reached out to take it a little gingerly, his own lips curving up.

“That’s a yes.”


	6. Edris

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just an FYI, I've slowed posting a bit to give my artist time for their extension, but I should have it all up before much longer. ;)

**One week later**

Though Roy had absolutely no idea what in the world Edris's tools were for, he still watched, completely enchanted.

"So... this ‘Gate’, you say, it's the same thing that's been referenced by scholars for generations, theorized, but it actually physically exists?  And you've found evidence of this?"

Edris hesitated at the question, but nodded, shooting Roy a cautious look.  Roy wanted to ask how, what evidence, but he knew enough about concealing certain aspects of your work from people not to press.  Some of the legal restrictions on alchemy were, frankly, unreasonable, and Roy didn't want to end up policing whatever it was that Edris did.  Not to mention that it would make him something of a hypocrite as well, with the things he had decided to withhold about his own work.

"Yeah.  The cost for it..."  Edris lifted his arm, and Roy felt a small chill down his spine.  "Let's just say it's not somethin' I'd recommend to anyone.  But what it does is more important.  It grants knowledge, and that knowledge can help a lot of people.  Just... just like you said, it's gonna be tricky to see if there's anything I can do to make sure it's not misused.  Which..."

"I understand," Roy said quietly.  “I would say I hope it goes well, but it gets exhausting.  With how much I find myself blocked at every opportunity my opposition can take, you end up getting dragged down.”  The words spilled out of his mouth before he could stop them; he knew that he had touched on this fact before, but the frustration welled up within him.  “It gets to the point where you wonder if you should even bother doing it at all.  After all, what good does it do when you’re stopped at every turn?”

His tone was sharper than he meant it to be, and Edris stopped, then turned to watch him intently.

“The good it does,” he replied, tone sharp as well, “is that giving up is  _ exactly _ what those fuckers want you to do.  If the good you’re doin’ isn’t a motivator enough, then I’d better see you dredging up spite, too, ‘cause—you haven’t given any thought to what would happen if you really gave up, would you?”

Roy withdrew, startled.  Though he had heard Edris get hostile before, he hadn’t expected it when he had confessed  _ this _ , and the words sent him automatically prickling in defense.

“I—”   _ Of course I have, _ he wanted to snap.  But that was a blatant lie, and as he realized it… well, he had to admit that Edris’s words had awakened a mulishness that he hadn’t felt in some time.  The notion of the satisfaction of his enemies if he sat back, acquiesced, decided that the military didn’t  _ need _ internal reforms, dug into his gut, a resentfulness on the level that he couldn’t remember since he had realized the amount of corruption within the military.

“Then stop talkin’ about doing it.  Stop  _ thinking _ about doing it.  Because you know you won’t, not when you realize how important it actually is.”  Edris’s eyes were bright: not with anger, Roy realized, but determination  And Roy wanted to match that determination, rise to Ed’s challenge.

Which, he realized belatedly, was probably the point of Edris’s comments, wasn’t it?

“You know,” he shot back, though his voice wasn’t frustrated: instead, it carried a wry tone to it.  “As a lawyer, I can confirm that you have an…  _ interesting _ way of talking people around.”

A slow smirk grew over Edris’s face.  “Worked, though, didn’t it?”

“That doesn’t mean you wouldn’t be an absolute  _ terror _ in a courtroom.”  The wry tone in Roy’s voice had grown, as had the warmth in his chest.  “But yes, I do find myself convinced.  Your vehemence is appreciated.”

Edris only flashed him a brilliant grin.  “Besides, what’s the worst they can do to you?”

Roy let out a laugh at the question, but this conversation was moving in directions Roy didn't want to go, so he tossed his head, a useless gesture that did nothing to get the hair out of his eyes, and grinned over at Edris.  "So, explain to me what these are for."

Edris's face lit up, and he lifted an odd, spiraled tool, grinning over at Roy as he began to speak.  Though Roy lost him quickly, he understood that it wasn't due to a failing in his own education—these were simply things that Edris  _ knew. _  These were the things that he wanted to bring to the world at large, or at least some of it, and as Roy managed to seize onto pieces and bits of the theory that matched up with his own knowledge, all he could think was,  _ God, he is beautiful. _

But that wasn't just the stunning gold eyes and hair, the lean form that ran on the smaller side and simply begged to have hands all over it.  It wasn't the muscled legs in the tight pants.  It was the spark of passion, of eagerness, of intensity in his eyes as he spoke, the ferocity he exuded when discussing his ideas.  Edris Elric lived and breathed magnetism, and Roy found himself falling into it like a vortex.

Edris paused in his talk, stretching a little, and Roy admired the curve of his neck, the smooth bronze skin, underneath which he could see the strong tendons—

"Fuck!"

Before Roy could react to the shouted word, Edris was barrelling towards him, catching his chest, and shoving him backwards.  Roy gasped, frozen for a moment in genuine terror, but as the room suddenly grew darker, Edris pulled away, then whirled and shoved the door shut.

Door?  Were they in another room?  Roy quickly felt behind him, twisting and straining to see in the darkness, and felt shelves.  Glass.  Beakers?

Oh.  Supply closet.

Still panting slightly, shaking a little from adrenaline, Roy managed to croak out, "You know, if you had wanted to make out with me, there were easier ways to go about it.  Asking, for example."

When Edris turned, the light from underneath the door cast a little more illumination on the two of them, and Roy could catch the set of Edris's shoulders as he leaned backwards.  Though he couldn't see the expression, he could imagine it: indignant, maybe, or stricken.

"Wh—I—no!" he yelped, and Roy's thoughts drifted more towards stricken.  "Shit, Roy!  No, that's not it at all, I just..."  Roy could hear his swallow, then a deep breath.  "There was a hornet."

"A... hornet," Roy said slowly, voice a little skeptical, but mostly amused.  He had been stung once or twice as a child, but—

"Yeah, I'm super allergic."  The words came out in a rush, and Roy's amusement immediately vanished.  "I just... sorry if I scared you.  I just didn't wanna... yeah."

"No," Roy murmured, reaching out to find Edris's shoulder.  "No, you're fine.  I understand."  There was now a sick sensation in the pit of his stomach, and he reached out to wrap his arms around Edris and pull him in.  Though hesitant at first, within a moment or two Edris practically sagged forward, face pressed into Roy's shoulder, and Roy could feel the slight shaking.

"It's all right," he murmured, running his hand up and down Edris's back, at the same time keeping a careful eye on the gap between floor and door for any bugs that might creep in.  "It's not silly.  I promise.  You're just... you want to be safe."

And so did Roy.

He had known that it would be a dicey thing, making overtures to Ed's cousin, but since the fact lay between both of them without any deception, Roy had hoped that they could keep it from affecting their relationship too much.  And really, Roy had fallen for Edris for himself, not because he looked like one amazing date several months ago.  But he would be lying if he said that Ed's death didn't affect the relationship at all.

The thought of yet another wonderful, beautiful, unique person losing their life, it being cut so tragically short, left something cold in the pit of his stomach.  He had always been afraid that he might lose someone, given… everything, and having had it happen made the prospect of it happening again that much worse.  He pulled Edris tighter, trying to force the fear away, but it nagged at him regardless, and he comforted himself with the fact Edris was here in his arms, right now, still alive and breathing.

Eventually, Edris pulled away, just a bit, and Roy let him.  The supply closet was still so small that they had to stand close enough that they were nearly touching, but Roy found that he didn't mind—especially not when he shifted and could feel Edris's nose bump against his clavicle.

"Do you want me to check and see if it's gone?" Roy asked carefully, running a hand up Edris's arm, encouraged when he leaned into it.

"I... no, let's... let's give it a few more minutes.  People know.  If someone sees the hornet in there, they'll come in and kill it, even if I'm not inside."

Roy nodded, leaning forward to rest his chin on the crown of Edris's head.  "Works for me," he hummed, despite the grunt of annoyance below him.  At that, he couldn't keep himself from a slow grin.

"Right, so well just stay in here.  Alone.  Squished together."

Edris didn't respond, and Roy began to wonder if he had said something off.  He could never really tell, not with—

And then a pair of hands, one flesh, one metal, reached up to take his face.  Before Roy could react, his head was being pulled forward and down, and after a couple of missed attempts, Ed's lips pressed firmly against his.

Ed kissed him with a surprising intensity, almost a desperation, as if he had channeled all of the passion he displayed earlier for his work into the action.  Roy returned it without hesitation, making a noise of surprise, steadying himself on Edris's shoulders, then reaching down to take his waist.  Edris seemed to have no complaints about this, so Roy slid an arm around it, pulling him forward, and pressed the two of them together.

The kiss grew deeper, more intense, almost frantic.  Roy had no idea when they had ended up against the door, Edris's back pressed to it as Roy pinned him there, Edris's fingers running eagerly through his hair.  Roy tilted his head, opening his mouth to Edris's eager tongue, and allowed himself to be the recipient of what had to be the most mind-blowing kisses of his entire life.

Eventually the press of a thigh up around his waist pulled him back to reality.

"Mm—Edris—" Roy mumbled against his mouth, but Edris seemed as reluctant for Roy to pull away as Roy felt.  He should probably be the responsible one and stop his hands from wandering, sliding down his waist and thigh and then back up the  _ back _ of his thigh and—

"Edris!" he gasped against that demanding mouth.  "We are  _ not _ going to fuck in your university's supply closet!"

A choke, and Roy finally managed to will himself into letting go.  Slowly.  But across from him, he heard a sigh.

"Okay, okay, fair enough, goddammit.  Since I didn't bring—"

"That is absolutely the  _ least _ of reasons for that," Roy interrupted firmly, glad that the dark hid his expression, at once a grin and a fond rolling of the eyes.  "Now please move to the side so I can go past you and make sure that the hornet is gone."

"Yeah, yeah," Edris muttered, and the small sliver at the bottom of the floor flickered as legs moved off to the side, finally leaving Roy room to move.  His hand settled on the doorknob, then pushed it open.

There really weren't any words for how ridiculous Edris was.  And Roy was soon learning that he wouldn't change it for the world.

—

“—and the red tape is  _ infuriating _ , Edris,” Roy groaned into the phone.  “Add that to the fact that I seem to now be the go-to for helping  _ other  _ departments, and how much they’ve been nitpicking at my work—”  He just wanted to  _ do his job _ , now with the added incentive of wanting to prove himself to Edris.  The weeks since that specific conversation (and the many conversations that had happened in that time) had just made that something he  _ needed _ to do even more.

The next words, he never meant to say and he could feel himself regretting them even before they finished coming out of his mouth.

“I’ve made so many enemies; I can’t even imagine what people have in store for me next.”

The words echoed between them over the phone line, and Roy could feel himself stiffen at the confession.  Even as a civilian, you didn’t  _ want _ to be involved with a military pariah.  He stared dully at the unpainted wall in front of himself as he wondered if this was about to be the thing that made Edris realize that Roy was trouble, that he wanted nothing to do with Roy anymore.  Roy had managed to keep the worst a secret, but he didn't know how much longer that would work.  Still, couldn't he enjoy it while it lasted?

"That's complete fucking shit," came the firm voice, not even with a breath of hesitation.  "I can't believe that they treat you like that.  They should realize they’re fucking lucky to have you."

A lump began to form in Roy's throat, and with a rush of relief, he remembered why he had called Edris.  Always such a blunt way of putting things, of forcing Roy to see things from a more objective standpoint, keeping him from sinking into the trap of self-flagellation, one that so many others seemed eager to see him to, if not shove him directly down there.  Edris might not mince words if he thought Roy had fucked up, but he wouldn't let Roy blame himself for something that he didn't deserve, either.

"You always have such an eloquent way of putting it, darling."

"You bet your fuckin' ass I—wait, what?"

Roy didn't manage to cover the receiver in time to keep Edris from hearing the burst of laughter that escaped his mouth as Edris's last words rose in pitch, voice cracking into what was one hundred percent a squeak.

"Hey, hey!  Don't you fucking laugh at me, you bastard!  What the fuck did you just call me?"

The shrill tone of Edris's voice left Roy laughing even harder, and Roy eventually gave up trying to speak, putting himself on mute so Edris couldn't hear his peals of laughter.  Without the indignant protests at his mirth, he managed to calm himself down.

Eventually, he tapped the mute button again.

"I'm sorry about that," he said, and though he wasn't laughing any longer, he could hear his own voice curving upwards in a rich smile.  "I called you ‘darling’.  Do you object?"

Edris croaked on the other end, and Roy desperately wished he could have been there to see the darkening flush.  "I..."

"If you do, I'll stop immediately, of course, but if not..."  He shrugged, knowing that while Edris couldn't see it, by now they knew each other well enough for Edris to fill it in on the other end.  "Calling my boyfriend fond pet names when I've had a terrible day makes it just the tiniest bit better."

A pause on the other end, and Roy could picture Edris frowning, those brilliant gears in his brain spinning.

"...All right, asshole.  Guess you can."  Somehow, the word 'asshole' left Roy feeling as giddy as if Edris had called him ‘darling’ as well.  "But, uh..."

"What is it?" Roy asked immediately, focus immediately honing in on the hesitancy in Edris's voice.  "Are you all right?"

"Yeah, great.  Just... hey, wanna spend some time in the park again?  I kinda miss you."

Roy had to take a few deep breaths to keep from barking out in delight at the offer, heart full to bursting.  He wanted to tilt his head back and cry his victory, a sharp contrast to his guilt from what, although were only moments ago, felt like ages.

The silence, however, seemed to leave Edris and uncertain.  "I mean, unless you don't want to, which is totally fine; I just thought—"

"I would love to," Roy murmured, low and grinning so widely he thought his face might break.

He hurried to the park the moment the call went dead, jogging probably faster than was considered reasonable.  But Roy knew from previous conversations that Edris lived fairly close, where Roy’s apartment was quite a bit further.  So why waste time traveling when he could arrive alongside Edris?  He did slow down a few moments before he got there, of course, so he wasn't breathing  _ too _ heavily, but when arrived, Edris had beaten him anyway.

But Edris's grin left him forgetting all of his worries, and ending up so soon after lying on a bench, head resting in Edris's lap, terminated the rest with extreme prejudice.

"You work yourself too hard, y'know," Edris murmured, fingers carding through his hair as Roy's eyes began to flutter shut.  "You need to take a break sometimes."

"As if you don't," Roy murmured back, but too content at the warmth he was using as a pillow to sound genuinely miffed.  "And I'm taking one right now, aren't I?"

"Yeah, just because I asked you to.  If you hadn't, you'd have kept venting, then went off to start more trouble.  I had to drag you outta the house to make you stop."

"You're so melodramatic."

"Yeah, I fucking know."

Roy just let out a laugh, turning his face to bury it in Edris's stomach, and Edris returned the noise.  Roy simply lay there, enjoying the moment, feeling the tension in his muscles unknit.

Above him, Edris's laugh faded off, and Roy tilted his head back to watch his expression.  He was staring straight ahead, not seeming to notice that Roy was watching him, and he looked... troubled.

"Is everything all right?"

Edris's eyes slid down to meet Roy's, expression still cloudy, and he took a deep breath.  "I... Roy, there's... there's something I think I should tell you."

Roy's stomach immediately began to flutter.  With nervousness, yes, but it wasn't especially unpleasant.  He knew what this was, or thought he did, and he had to tell his pounding heart to calm down.  But still, it made sense.  They had been seeing each other for months, now, and Roy felt something special with Edris, more than with anyone else he had ever dated.  He had a hard enough time in long-term relationships that they rarely made it to the point of the other person saying "I love you," but...

But what else could Edris be about to say?

Still, the reminder about the rarity of the scenario left Roy a little guilty, wondering if they had only got this far because Edris didn't know what he was in for.  He should... probably tell him, then, if Edris was going to say it.  He should know what he was committing to.

"All right," he finally said, voice gentle.  "So do I.  But if you'd like to go first?"

He didn't miss the startled expression on Edris's face, but it quickly settled into something accepting, if a little wary.  He nodded.

"It's, uh, just... kinda hard to say, y'know, even after all this time—or maybe  _ especially _ after all this time, y'know?"

Roy nodded in return.  "I understand.  Take your time."

The look Edris shot him was one of intense relief, and Roy tried to wait patiently, tried not to jitter with anticipation, as he watched.

"You see," Edris finally said.  "I'm... I actually—"

" _ GOOSE! _ "

The scream came from off to their side, from two young women pointing in their direction, terrified, as a swarm of geese, apparently with a long and bitter memory, came rushing and hissing towards them.

By the time they had jumped up and bolted from their spot on the park bench, in clear and apparent danger for their lives, Roy had completely forgotten, for the moment, about everything.  And so, it seemed, had Edris.


	7. Edris

The close call with Izumi heading towards his lab as Roy was in there had been close enough.  The bit in the park had been even worse.  He’d suffered in silence for a week after that.  There had been a few more, but nothing that bad.  Ed had to tell him, and he had to tell him soon.

But how was he supposed to?

Ed watched Roy out of the corner of his eye as they walked down main street, hand in hand, and considered.  Ed could imagine it now: the peaceful expression shifting to confusion, then shock, then hurt and betrayal.  The twisting of his face as he told Ed to fuck off, that he never wanted to see him again, that he was an asshole and a monster and cruel and manipulative and—

And the worst part was, he'd be right.

But he couldn't keep doing this to Roy.  He had come so close, but those fucking  _ geese. _  Ed was seriously considering looking up some recipes and feeding them to the entirety of the University campus.

But that was a concern for another time.  Right now, he had to focus on the best way to tell his boyfriend that he was actually his dead cousin.  Ideally, that would involve not getting dumped by the boyfriend, but at the moment, Ed wasn't really sure how that could happen.  Still, he also knew that the longer the charade went on, the slimmer the chances got, anyway.

And they were off to a nice dinner, too.  How was Ed supposed to ruin  _ that? _  But if he told him after, it would ruin what would probably be an amazing night, judging from all of the other dinners (except the first) that they had had.  Really, there was absolutely no good way to do this.

But then again, if there had been, Ed would have done it months ago.

Still, it had been chewing on him for ages now, and if he didn't do it soon, he was going to—

"Edris?"

It took a moment for Ed to realize they had both stuttered to a stop, and that Roy was watching him, concerned.  "What's the matter?  You look upset."

Here it was.  The moment of truth.  Delivered to him right on a platter.  Ed could fess up, here and now.  He opened his mouth.

"Sorry," that traitor mouth lied.  "I've just been pretty busy with my work."

Roy let out a fond, exasperated sigh.  "I keep telling you that you need breaks, too."

"Yeah, well, I will when you do."

A pause.  "...Touché."

Ed turned back to the street, tugging Roy along, past old storefronts and vintage overhangs.  They were passing an area that was momentarily vacant, one of the unfortunate spots that had suffered from the economy despite the relative affluence of the area; too many niche little shops that couldn't keep up with the high rental demands of the area. His gaze skimmed over the sidewalk, considering what shops would likely soon replace those that had left—maybe something pretentious and vegetarian—and he noticed something odd.

Though there weren't many others on the road with them, this man stood out, not because of his long coat and hat—which was weird, but people were weird in the city—but because of the backpack he had just dropped in front of one of those abandoned storefronts, then made a quick turn to head across the street.

Ed ignored Roy, who had been staring at Ed too intently to notice, and paused, twisting to watch the guy go.

"Hey, man?" he called after him, scowling.  "You know that's gonna get stolen."

But he glanced back over his shoulder, then kept walking as if Ed hadn't spoken.

"Hey, don't ignore me!  Asshole!"

But even the raised tone of his voice evoked no response.  Roy had now noticed, of course, and was staring after the man with confusion and... was that alarm?  Ed squinted up at him, then turned back to face the backpack.

"That was weird," he murmured, then let go of Roy's hand, heading over towards the bag in question.  "I wonder what's up with this?"

When Ed left Roy behind, he was still staring, but whatever, if the asshole stranger wasn't going to pay attention, he could have all of his stuff stolen.

He reached out towards the handle—it looked new, too, what the hell?—when he heard a terrible cry from behind him.

"Edris,  _ NO! _ "

A vicelike grip closed around his human wrist, yanking him so hard that for a moment, he genuinely thought that Roy had dislocated his shoulder.  He let out a cry of pain, whirling to ask Roy what the  _ fuck _ he thought he was doing, putting his hands on him like that—

And then was barreled to the ground flat, Roy's form pinning him, curling around him, covering him.  Ed froze in terror, knowing that something was horribly, horribly wrong.

He heard the words " _ Get down! _ "

And then the explosion roared, blocking everything else out.

Ed immediately froze up, terror and denial coursing through him, the emotions side by side.  An… an explosion?  From where?  From  _ who? _  The bag—why—how— _ Roy! _

With a choked gasp, he managed to pull his terrified brain back to its surroundings, then looked around jerkily.  Roy’s body was still pressed tightly against his back, not moving, and—

_ Not moving. _

“Roy!” Ed let out in a strangled cry, frantically twisting towards him, or trying.  “Oh my god—”

“Stay down!” came the harsh bark from above him, and he froze in shocked obedience before realizing that the demanding voice was, in fact, Roy’s.  For once in his life, he listened, staying as still as humanly possible.

Sirens began to resolve somewhere in the distance, and Ed could feel Roy shaking above him.  Tentatively, he reached a hand out, placing it on Roy’s forearm.  “I’m gonna sit up now.”

When he didn’t receive any further protest, he pushed himself up.

Roy pulled back for a moment, but when Ed turned to face him, he found himself enveloped in Roy’s arms, being pulled close against his chest.  He smelled of laundry detergent, and Ed closed his eyes for a moment, breathing it in.

“I… I’m sorry,” Roy finally croaked, holding him tightly as they knelt in the middle of the sidewalk.  “I should have told you.  I’m… I’ve made some enemies, in the military, with my reforms, and it’s made me a target.  I know there have been incidents at Central Command, ones we’ve been able to stop, but I never thought… if I had known I would have put you in danger…”

Ed felt a chill trickle down his back.  For all he had joked about dying, despite having faked his own death, the thought of having come so close to it left him physically ill.  He opened his mouth, but he couldn’t make himself say it.  Couldn’t force himself to say the words,  _ It’s okay. _

And Roy hadn’t told him—hadn’t told him that he was in danger, hadn’t warned him so Ed could be prepared.  Could  _ protect  _ him.  He could feel himself shaking slightly, and the odd situation suddenly made much more sense.  The stranger hadn’t just been ignoring Ed: he’d been keeping an eye out to pull the trigger.

And Roy had almost died.   _ Ed _ had almost died.

“We almost died,” Ed finally said, staring dazedly up at Roy.  “Someone could try again.”

Roy’s grip tightened on Ed’s shoulders, and his lips pressed into a desperate, thin line.

“No,” he whispered fiercely, drawing Ed in and tucking him under Roy’s chin.  “I can’t lose you, too.”

The words doused Ed with what felt like ice water.

“Too?” he croaked, terrified he knew what the words meant, but unable to keep from asking anyway.

Roy inhaled shakily.  “Sorry.  I just meant, after your cousin…”

The words hit their mark, burrowing deeply into his chest, and Ed screwed his eyes shut.

“No.”

Roy paused, then pulled away reluctantly and met Ed’s eyes.  “No?”

Ed had to look away at the confusion, at the hurt.  It afforded him an opportunity to stand and finally look around.

The bomb had ripped through the abandoned store they had been passing, leaving a deep gouge in the concrete of the sidewalk and a thick layer of dust over everything.  The street, already somewhat sparse, had completely cleared out, with its inhabitants apparently worried that whoever had done that might try again.  Ed glanced down at his hands, staring dully at the mess coating them that left them near-white.

Looking back, he could see that Roy had stood as well—and that he had suffered far worse.  His black hair was coated in the stuff, leaving him prematurely gray.  Shrapnel from the bomb had presumably flung out from the explosion, catching him in the face, droplets of blood trickling from a few places on his forehead and cheeks.  He watched Ed with a tired expression that left him nauseous.

“You never lost me, Roy.”

Roy shook his head, visibly bewildered.  “I know that.  I just meant—”

“No, no, I know.”  Ed groaned, burying his face in his hands.  He couldn’t keep this up.  He couldn’t do this to Roy, not after… not after everything.  “You meant Edward.  But thing is, I  _ am _ Edward.”

Silence.

When Ed finally worked up the courage to peek out from between his fingers, Roy was still staring, but now with a much more guarded expression.

“I don’t understand,” he said carefully, but the neutral tone told Ed that it wasn’t the definition of the words he was having trouble with.

Ed dragged his hands down his face with a another groan.  “Ugh.  Okay, so, I was dodging your calls after that first date, right?  The one I completely made a tool of myself on.  I didn’t wanna turn you down for a second date, because you were fuckin’  _ fantastic _ , but I was just so…”

“One moment,” Roy interrupted, tone shockingly polite even as he clearly struggled to keep his voice calm.  “So what?  I was under the impression that the date went wonderfully.”

“I—weren’t you just being nice when you said that?” Ed burst out.  “Not wanting to tell me that my cousin was an idiot?  I was a complete asshole—I went on and on about social expectations and progressiveness and date courtesy and how I didn’t want to put pressure on you, and then—”  Ed choked off, still mortified at the memory.

“And then?” Roy prompted, expression now leaning more towards genuinely baffled.  Ed swallowed.

“And then I forgot my wallet!” he burst out.

Roy paused, considering.  “Honestly, I had completely forgotten.  And you found this so mortifying that you avoided my texts?”

Ed couldn’t deal with this.  Not with learning that the event that had started all of this mess, that he had practically flagellated himself over, had apparently gone completely unnoticed.

“I—look, okay?!  So I accidentally picked up when you called, and I threw the phone at Lan Fan, asking her to cover for me, thinking that she’d tell you I was in the  _ shower _ or something, and—”

“And she told me you were  _ dead? _ ” Roy asked, tone now rising angrily, and Ed felt the irrational need to defend his friend.

“I mean—well, yeah, that was super idiotic.  But she’s bad with phones.  Like, real bad.  She panicked.”

“A fake grave and a memorial service is not  _ panicking—! _ ”

“I know, I know!”  Ed lifted his hands in supplication.  “She said she felt really bad, so she wanted to give you some closure—but I had nothing to do with that part!”

“No,” Roy snapped, and his expression had subtly shifted to something smoldering and dangerous.  “Just dated me for  _ months _ while pretending to be someone else.”

Ed cringed at the acid in Roy’s voice.  “I… by then, I was… at first, I just didn’t want you thinking I had only faked my death to get rid of you.  But pretty soon, I was in way too deep, emotionally, and I didn’t know how to tell you.”

“Because you knew I’d be angry,” Roy snapped, taking a step back.  The sirens had grown much closer now, nearly drowning out their conversation.

“Because I knew you’d be angry,” Ed relented, shoulders slumping as he watched Roy dully.

“General Mustang!”

The sharp female voice left them both jumping, and Roy turned as Ed shifted his gaze to look over Roy’s shoulder.

The ambulances had arrived and so, it seemed, had the military.  Ed wondered numbly how they had known to come, too.

“Yes, Lieutenant Ross?”

Roy quickly stepped over to the woman in military blues, and the two of them spoke in low tones for a moment.  When Ed realized he would have to strain to hear them, he tuned out, glancing away and taking in the street.  Still free of civilians, the police and military were beginning to set up a perimeter.  He didn’t see any indication of anyone else caught in the blast—small miracles—as the EMTs made their way over.

“And who is this?”

Ed jumped slightly as the lieutenant’s voice rose again, then turned to face the two of them.  He didn’t dare answer, just watched Roy, praying that his pleading expression made it clear just how sorry he was.

“A bystander,” Roy finally said, voice and face neutral and unreadable.  “Have the EMTs check on him, then find him a ride home.”

Ed swallowed at the words, everything crumbling inside of him, but Roy turned away.

“A witness, you say?”

“Yes.  His name is Edward Elric.”

As one of the EMTs placed his hand on Ed’s arm, leading him to the ambulances, Ed was too numb to fight.  Roy didn’t even spare him a second glance as they walked away.


	8. Ed

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My artist is still working on finishing their second piece, but I figured I'd stop leaving you guys in torment. <3 Enjoy!

This time, Ed was the one whose calls were being dodged.

Unlike Roy, however, Ed at least had the advantage of knowing why.  He also had the advantage of knowing not to believe any suspicious stories of Roy’s untimely death.

But Ed wasn’t going to give this up.

He had considered it, for a while.  When he had stumbled in the door, a frantic Lan Fan and Ling swarming him at the sight of him getting out of an ambulance, he had shaken off their questions about what the hell had happened and why he was so dirty and if he was all right and simply said, “He knows.”

Lan Fan had sympathized.  Ling had told Ed that he should have kept up the charade indefinitely.  Ling also ended up locked in the closet.

But later, after the fussing had finished, Lan Fan had asked quietly, “Are you two finished?”

Ed’s answer to that, after a minute of silence, had been, “ _Hell_ no.”

So he had called, and texted, and received absolute silence in return.  So now it was time to go a step further and do something that would have caused Lan Fan to downright faint in horror.

The phone at his ear continued ringing, then stopped.  Ed held his breath.

“You’ve reached Roy Mustang’s cell phone.  If this is a personal matter, please leave a message and your number, if I don’t have it, and I’ll get back to you.”

Instead of hanging up before the beep, this time, Ed waited for it.

“Hey, Roy.  You know who this is.”  No, shit.  “It’s Ed.  Edward.  For real.  And everything.”  He closed his eyes, thinking that he probably should have planned this out before he had started.

“So… I get that you’re upset with me.  I really am.  I fucked up, and I fucked up hard.  But I don’t want it to be over this easily.”  He set his jaw, although he knew Roy couldn’t see him.  “I want to give this another shot with you.”  His chest ached at the very notion that the last time they had seen each other would be their final parting.  “We… we both hid things from each other, yeah.  But who we are, what we cared about, what we were _like_ , that was all real.  You know me.  You know the real Ed.  The only thing that’s changed now is the fact that… that sometimes I make bad decisions, and I don’t have a dead cousin.  But I’m not gonna fucking give this up, Roy, because I—!”

His voice had risen, and he had to pause to catch his breath, dashing at his eyes.  Not that he was crying.  Just… just to be safe.

“Don’t make me say it over the phone, Roy.  Please.  I don’t fuckin’ care if I have to spend the rest of my life making it up to you, but if we don’t at least talk about this, I know I’m gonna regret it for at least that long.”

The answering machine, of course, didn’t answer, and Ed had to take a deep breath to steady himself.

“Please.  Call me.  Or text me, or something.  I’m so, so fucking sorry.”

Though it pained him to do so, with nothing left that he could say, Ed ended the call.

—

Roy stared down at the phone, jaw and chest tight.

“Man, I wonder who that could have been.”

Roy turned back to Maes, who had witnessed the entire sequence of events: the phone ringing, Roy putting it on silent in disgust.  The shift from disgust to wariness as he saw that this time, there was a voicemail.  Roy wasn’t sure what expressions had then crossed his face while listening to the recording, but if the look Maes had leveled at him was any indication, it couldn’t have been anything good.

“Or,” he said, a little sharper than intended, “you could mind your own business.”

“Trust me, Roy.”  Maes stepped over and plopped down into the seat right across from his desk.  “You are my business.  Now spill.”

Roy momentarily considered snappishly refusing to obey, but the voicemail still had him so furious that he _had_ to tell someone.

“It was Ed, obviously,” he said shortly, setting the phone down.  “He wanted to apologize.  And try again.”  Roy snorted.  “The nerve.”

“Mmm.”

Roy shot Maes a suspicious glance, but his expression was unreadable.

“I’m not going to,” he continued, hating how defensive he sounded.  “I never want to hear from him again.”

“And yet,” Maes mused, “you haven’t told him that.  Or texted him that, or sent him a dramatic breakup letter, or blocked his number.  No, you’ve just glared at your phone every time he calls, or read every text he sent you, or looked like you were going to cry when you listened to his voicemail.”

“I was _not_ going to cry.”

Maes shook his head, still clearly unperturbed.  “But no, all of that means that he’s completely behind you.”

Roy’s head snapped up, and he glared.  “He _lied_ to me, Maes!  The entire time we were together!  He made a complete _fool_ out of me, even when I was completely open with him—”

“Not completely.”

The calm tone in Maes’s voice infuriated Roy even more.  “That’s not the same thing!  I kept _one_ thing from him!” he snapped.  “That’s not the same as constructing _an entirely new identity!_ ”

“No, it’s not.  But it was enough that it almost got him killed.”

Roy flinched, flashing back to the sight of Ed reaching for that bag, of the terror of the realization of what it was, of being positively convinced that he wouldn’t be able to reach him in time.  “I—”

Listen, Roy.  I’m not excusing him.  He hurt you.  I get that.  But it sounds like he wants to make it right, and you’re on too much of a high horse to admit that you want him to.”

Roy opened his mouth to protest again, frustration simmering under his skin, but Maes always had been impossible to stop once he got going.

“And _finally_ , Roy, I’m your goddamn best friend.  If I couldn’t see that you were so clearly desperate to patch things up with him, you know I’d be dragging him so badly he’d feel it from here.”

The words rang uncomfortable truth in the back of his head.  He had gone through a few bad breakups in his time, and Maes had never once shown any inclination towards forgiveness.

“I’m not desperate,” Roy mumbled unconvincingly.

Maes raised an eyebrow.  “Roy, imagine a life without Ed.  Imagine never seeing him again.”

The words shot through him, and involuntarily, he felt every muscle in his body tense.  An image of Ed’s brilliant grin, of the clever words he used when explaining a theory, of the softness of his lips and the warmth at his side, hovered vividly in his memory.

And then all of it, gone.  A burning coal sat in the pit of his stomach, and he felt the sudden desire to vomit it up.

“That’s your alternative, Roy, if you don’t do this,” Maes said softly.  “Is that really what you want?”

Roy stared dully down at the phone, a whirlwind of conflicting emotions.

“He told me not to make him say it over the phone,” he said quietly.  “He didn’t say what, exactly, but…”

Maes reached out, placing two fingers on the phone, then pushing it over to Roy.  “Let _me_ be the suspicious best friend who always holds this against him and keeps an eye on him to make sure you’re being treated right.  Let yourself be the sap I so know you want to be.”

Roy reached out and slid the phone the rest of the way towards himself.

—

Roy hadn’t called.

The knowledge had gnawed at Ed for hours.  Now it had been a day.  Past that, really, and still no response.  And he couldn’t spend his time obsessing over it, either; midterms were coming up, and while he was ahead on his research, he had a hell of a lot of projects due.  And studying, but really, when did he ever study?

He was having a lot of difficulty coming to terms with the fact that there wasn’t much else he could do.  At least, save for showing up at Roy’s actual, literal job, but that was bordering on stalking territory and, considering the latest incident with Roy, probably only likely to make things worse both with him _and_ with the military.

The evening after the voicemail, a knock on the door interrupted him in the middle of a take-home exam for mathematics, distracting him from the very complex problem he had decided to solve in his head.  God dammit.

He dropped the pencil, pushed himself up, and stormed to the door.

When opening it revealed Roy Mustang, in the flesh, Ed just about jumped back inside and slammed it right in his face.  But, he quickly realized, heart racing as his eyes nearly popped out of his head, this was a _good_ thing.  Probably.

Though, given the solemn expression on Roy’s face, maybe not.

Ed swallowed, holding the door open and stepping aside.  Roy took the unspoken invitation.

“Do you, uh, want something to eat?  Or water, or something?”

“I’m fine, thank—”

A loud crash from the direction of the kitchen, and they both jumped and spun.  A moment later, Lan Fan stumbled out, two plates piled high with leftovers.

“Hello, Lan Fan,” Roy said, voice dry as the Great Xerxesian Desert.

She froze, eyes wide, cheeks stuffed full of what looked like egg rolls.  She and Roy stared at each other for a few moments, unmoving.

Then she bolted down the hall to her room, the door slamming and locking behind her.

“Yeah, she’s too scared of you to apologize,” Ed muttered, more than a little exasperated but knowing that he wasn’t going to be able to do anything about it.  “She isn’t coming out.”

Roy simply made a noncommittal noise, then sat gingerly on the couch.  “But you’re not.  Going to avoid apologizing or anything.”

Ed took a deep breath, screwing his eyes shut.  He had to get this right.  He wasn’t going to get a second chance.

“No,” he finally said, steeling himself and opening his eyes.  “No.  I…”  He probably shouldn’t mention that he had practiced.  Practiced explaining how he understood what he had done was wrong, and how he had hurt Roy.  Practiced explaining why, but not as an excuse, just as a way to show Roy that it wasn’t a failing on his part.  Practiced everything but the three words that still jumped around anxiously in his mouth whenever he thought about them.  “I’ve got a lot to say.”

“And so do I.”

The firm tone in Roy’s voice surprised Ed, though moreso that it wasn’t angry.  He had expected something stern, at the very least, but Roy was watching Ed, expression masked, but more considering than “I’m trying to hide the fact that I’m really fucking pissed at you.”

“I understand that you’re sorry.  I don’t think that will get us any new information if we hash that over, no matter how many times.  I get it.”

Ed’s stomach sank to his toes.  So much for his practice.

“That doesn’t mean that I’m no longer angry.  Because I am.  I’m hurt, that you kept it up so long.  I understand why you did, but that doesn’t make it all right.”  He met Ed’s eyes, and a chill went through his bones.  “My trust is pretty shattered right now.”

“I… I know, and I’m—”

Roy held up a hand.  “Let me finish.”

Ed closed his mouth and nodded.  Roy glanced away, and Ed felt some of the pressure release.

“But I believe that you can regain it, if you try.  And I’m willing to let you, because like you said, I think I’ll regret it for the rest of my life if I don’t.”

All of the air exhaled from Ed’s chest at once, and he sat, hard, on the chair across from the couch.  Still, even as he sank like a stone, he felt like he had grown wings and was floating.

“Seriously?”

“I wouldn’t have said if I hadn’t meant it.”

“Oh.”  Fuck floating; Ed was flying.  Ed was _soaring._  This was still a serious conversation, so he needed to keep it together, but a grin stretched across his face regardless, and he looked up at Roy.  “ _Seriously?_ ” he laughed.

Roy looked like he was trying to appear stern, but his lips twitched, ruining the image.  “Yes, Ed.  Seriously.”  He took a deep breath, slight humor fading.  “Because… because when Maes asked me to think about never seeing you again, it was like you had died all over again.”

The words rocked through Ed with a shock that left him aching both with joy and sadness at the prospect.  His eyes were locked on Roy, wide as Lan Fan’s dinner plates, then went wider as Roy stood.

For a moment, Ed thought Roy was about to leave, but instead, he stepped over to Ed, offering his hand.  Though he had a moment of hesitation, he reached out and took it.

Roy pulled him in, closer than Ed had expected to be allowed, and they stood nearly chest to chest, faces less than a foot from each other.

“I care about you, Ed.  And I want to try again.”

Ed swallowed, then reached up with his left hand, gently cupping Roy’s cheek.  Roy’s expression softened, and he turned into it slightly, offering the palm a small kiss, eyes never leaving Ed’s.

“Me… me too,” Ed croaked, offering him a nervous smile.  “Because… I mean, I didn’t want to on the phone, but I…”

“Ed,” Roy murmured, voice steady.  “You don’t have to say it.  Not if you feel like you have to, to earn my forgiveness.  Because I only want to hear that from you if you mean it.”

Ed closed his eyes, then nodded slowly.  “Okay.  I won’t say it if I don’t mean it, then.”

When he opened his eyes, Roy had opened his mouth, as if to say something, but Ed cut him off.

“I love you, Roy.  And you bet your fucking _ass_ I mean it.”

And then their lips were pressed together, a slow and yearning and almost desperate kiss.  From the surprised inhalation across from him, Ed could tell that Roy hadn’t expected to lean forward and initiate, but Ed sure wasn’t going to complain, not as he twined his arms around Roy’s neck, as he settled slowly into patterns that were at once familiar and brand new.

“Edward,” Roy breathed against Ed’s mouth, a benediction, and all he could do was lean in to accept it, clinging to each other as if they never wanted to move again.

After a few moments, Roy pulled back slightly, and from the slight smile tugging at his lips, Ed knew he was in for at least a little bit of trouble.

"Where did you pick the name Edris, anyway?" Roy asked, looking contemplative.

Ed could feel himself flush straight to the roots of his hair.  "Uh..."

Roy just raised an eyebrow, and Ed wilted under the gaze.  Averting his own, he winced.

"He's my... Dungeons and Dragons character."

Silence, for a few moments, as Ed's stomach slowly sank.

And then Roy let out a delighted bark of laughter.

“You know this means I get to tease you about this for the rest of forever, right?”

With a sigh and a roll of his eyes, Ed leaned into Roy, grimacing as he resigned himself to whatever evil plots Roy undoubtedly had.  “Yeah, I know.”

But totally worth it.


End file.
